An Open letter Every Introvert wants to write

Introverts are not automatic victims of personality disorders. One of the things that make the world a beautiful place to inhabit is diversity. To us, being introverts is being ourselves; to you, it should be “just another personality”, nothing to be alarmed or concerned about. There are several disclaimers every introvert wants to put out, especially in a world that misunderstands us. So, I decided to put one out here, with the hope of rectifying certain misconceptions.

• We are Quiet
When you see us sitting quietly; seldomly talking, and you ask, “Why are you quiet?“, it can be interpreted as, “Why are you being yourself?” You might have seen us being chatty, that’s because we’re comfortable with you. Introverts are quiet people; questioning who we are, well, makes us uncomfortably confused. So please, resist the urge to ask why we’re quiet.

• Alone is not negative
As an introvert, I have to tell you, being around so many people, and having to deal with the noise can be exhausting. I’ve developed an unconscious habit of sneaking out of gatherings to take a break or “lone time“. To us, being alone is not an “awful thing“, contrary to what others think. We love being alone. We thrive in our lone time, especially creatives – this is the time our imaginations create magic. So while others run from being alone, we run to being alone. People assume that wanting to be alone means you’re depressed (while it could be; it doesn’t automatically mean depression).

• We talk too
I know I’ve talked about being quiet, but introverts do talk (well; because we have mouths). It’s problematic that people assume that being introverted means not talking at all. So when they see us talking, they have two major reactions. They either surprisingly say, “So you talk!” or they try to convince us that we’re not introverts, because, to them, introverts don’t talk. Not only do we enjoy talking around people we’re comfortable with, but some of us are also ambiverts.

• Not an Oddity
Like I mentioned earlier, introversion is not a personality disorder. Stop treating us like we’re strange people who need help. Some people want to “bring us out of our skins”. That statement is simply tired. Also, I see a lot of articles on the internet, “How to deal with an introvert“, “12 ways to love an introvert“. They make it seem like introverts are tough people to deal with. No. We’re just different; as different as extroverts.

• Not Snobbish
Because some people don’t get precise responses from introverts, they believe we’re snobbish. I’ve heard some introverts say, “I don’t know what to say“. They say this because every introvert loves to think. We rarely give shallow answers. This could be mentally tasking for some people. As for those who go ahead to think, while you might expect a “yes”, ” no” or a simple sentence, our response might come in lengthy or “too deep“.

So we’re like, ” Uhm, better not“.

Also, every introvert is big on privacy. You could ask yourself, “Are you invading privacy at the moment? Do they want to talk? Do they need some space?” A little consideration will help.

• Low energy battery
I’ll tell you a short story about someone who always complained about my mood swings, particularly when we carried out activities together. I would come in cheerful and after a while, I’d become quiet. He complained a lot, “but you were just active not too long ago!” I studied myself and noticed I get worn out easily. So, when I’m active, I easily get (physically and mentally) tired. Sometimes, tired of crowds and noise, so I return to my shell.

A secret, but not a secret – every introvert, who is active, retreats to their shells to “recharge”.

“We’ll be back shortly (or not). Our energy level is currently at 0% and we need some space to charge up“.

You can call us a bad battery, whatever(lol), but please, don’t make it about you.

• Not primarily anti-social
Being introverted doesn’t automatically mean being anti-social. Introverts like me love connecting with people, playing games and having interesting conversations. Some others don’t, and it’s totally fine. Plus, we love to have fun too, but “fun” can be described as diverse things. While others might like adventure, partying and other outdoor activities, if you ask us what we do for fun, we could say things like, “reading books, binge-watching shows, landscape photography, vibing to cool music alone, being creative” and so on. All these are fun to us. They might not be to you, but then, fun is relative, right?

• We think… a lot
I’m sure I’m not the only introvert who defends overthinking as “not a negative thing“. When it begins to border on worry and insecurity, it can now be portrayed as negative. Overthinking to us is playing different scenarios, analyzing situations, facial expressions and responses. It could be daydreaming, sweet imaginations and mind-teleportation (I’ve not been to Paris before, but I can tell you how it looks in my world). Overthinking enables maximum creativity. It’s how we get our ideas. This is the reason we love deep connections and desire meaningful interactions rather than small talk (because people who would rather engage in small talk think “we are too deep” or hard to understand).

A friend said, “Some introverts with personality disorders became that way because of how they were treated when they were younger. There was no one to educate them on their personalities”.

I remember having a conversation with someone who “hated himself” because he was an introvert. It felt sad. Almost every introvert had to go through this because of these obvious misconceptions. It took me a while to understand that there was nothing wrong with me. I only felt that way because society had an expectation of how people should behave. I’m writing this letter so you’ll treat introverts as normal people.

If you are an introvert reading this, I hope you get comfortable with who you are, without feeling the need to conform.

The essence of understanding yourself is not to change towards societal expectations, but to manage your personality to deal with different people adequately.

With all Sweetness and Inspiration
—Iyun