The Mood Swinger

Have you ever been in a social gathering or with a group of people that are discussing about how they can’t stand people that have mood swings? Well, I have. Countless number of times. And to be very honest, I have been really hurt because I have mood swings (L.O.L)

As a matter of fact, I’ve had a one-on-one discussion with someone who told me mood swings aren’t real (sigh).
“But it happens to me. How can I explain it?”
Oh, and what about those moments when you just want to be left alone and you have to explain to a thousand and one people that you’re fine and nothing is wrong with you? Do we really explain to them? I think we just find ways to push them away so they can stop bothering us and end up hurting them. This happens especially when you have friends who are chatty and all over the place. I unknowingly lost some potential friends because of mood swings.

So, in this article, I’ll be sharing my mood swing experience in two phases:

1. When mood swings had control of me

I’ve always known myself to be an introvert; someone who loved to be in shadows; quiet, calm, reserved, sometimes moody. I didn’t know much about myself and to me, mood swings were excuses people used to get away with bad behaviour. I didn’t also know much about being an introvert. I read “Why you act the way you do” by Tim LaHaye, and I didn’t read it like someone who wanted to discover her temperament, but as someone who wanted to classify her temperament.

Of course, I knew I was an introvert. I just needed to know which. So, I didn’t waste time reading any part of the book that explained extroverts. I discovered I was melancholy, checked out my strength and weaknesses and that was it! Whenever I was sad, snubbish, rude or moody, it translated to me just being who I was and you know, movies didn’t make it any better, especially the ones with subtitles that’ll write “Melancholy music” whenever a very slow and sad track was playing. So, that was mostly me all those years growing up. The funny thing about this phase is that despite the fact that I thought mood swing was a myth, I still used it as an excuse.

2. When I started controlling mood swings.

“If I was this super quiet and reserved person, why do I tend to be super happy, noisy and the ‘life of the party’ sometimes?” The thing confused me. Anyway, in this phase, I discovered that I wasn’t entirely introverted, I had some extroverted qualities (Later in life, I actually discovered that temperaments aren’t even introvert/extrovert black and white. There are some others that intertwines the two. I got to know myself better).
This phase of me discovering that I was part extrovert was actually the most terrific part of my life at the moment. That was when I believed in mood swings; that I could be happy at one moment and sad the next. I lost friends (some came around later).

I don’t want to bore you with my story (maybe some other time, *winks*). I gained freedom from “personality forces” (if there’s anything like that), I learnt how to control my moods. I migrated from someone who hated herself to someone who lovvvveeddd herself. This was another funny time of my life. I was proudly telling people around me that I was a mood swinger (huh?). I had deep thoughts and I was like, “It’s not like there are negative or positive mood swingers. There are just MOOD SWINGERS. It means you can DECIDE to swing to whatever mood you CHOOSE to, whenever you like”.

Hey, this mentality bought me my freedom. I deliberately started looking out for ’em negative moods. Whenever I was starting to feel moody, I’d be like, “Hey, not today”. It also helped my relationship with people and my friends. I could sometimes delay a particular mood because I know it’d spoil the atmosphere (especially when you have a little influence on some people). I could also be sad and sometimes, cry and I’d start laughing the next moment because I met someone who doesn’t deserve to have that kind of sadness rubbed on him/her.

It’s okay to want to be left alone

If you know how many people labelled me as “emotionally unstable”, but no worries, I labelled myself as that. I lived in denial, didn’t accept that major flaw, I couldn’t explain why I suddenly wanted to be left alone sometimes, so I hated myself for it. I can still remember particular people that told me they liked “the other side” of me; the side that wasn’t moody and whenever I was moody outside my room, I felt like a stain, more like a plague that people would want to stay away from. Sometimes, when I went back to my room, I’d cry because I hated the moody me and I knew other people hated it too, and I couldn’t explain it! “You’re not the only one that hates yourself”.

Anyway, years of embracing that flaw, learning to live with it and learning to love myself despite the flaw, made me seek ways to be a better person, especially to people around me.
For example, I know better ways to communicate to my friends whenever I want to be left alone than to be snubbish. Or I can decide to delay my cravings to be left alone so I can honour my friend’s presence, instead of being selfish.
Whatever you choose, don’t ever feel wanting to be left alone is a stigma. Instead, learn how to control it.
Trust me, I’ve gotten some of my best ideas from ‘being left alone’ and that is also an introvert’s rejuvenating and recharging method. Most introverts solve ‘burn-outs’ by staying alone.

Embrace it! It’s not a stigma
Also, let your friends understand who you are, so you wouldn’t be hurt when one decides to ‘stop talking to you’ because you wanted to be left alone, or because of a little mood swing.

You are beautiful just the way you are🎶.
Jesus didn’t go through all that for you to hate yourself. Haba!

Much love❤️